So it's 2am and I can't put myself to sleep despite getting migraine attacks in the afternoon for always being up late. It's been like this for a week now. If you're in the same loop as I am in social media and current events, you know what I am talking about. Yes. It's the Mamasapano clash and the 44 fallen heroes. I do not personally know any of them (my husband and friends do) but I cry like I'm part of the bereaved family every time I see news (on TV and Facebook) about the incident. It saddens me, not just because I am a wife of a soldier or because my friends know some of the men that died, but because I am a Filipino.
I am mad, too. As what I have told my husband over the phone just a few hours earlier, this is my first time after such a long time (ex-PGMA regime) to feel this abhorrence towards the country's leader. I am trying my best to refrain from posting on Facebook because I know well that it's just Facebook. My words, may it mean so deep and true, will remain words. I used to say that I dislike the way the netizens blame the government for all the problems the country faces. However, this time, I loathe him too much I wished for him to die. I wish that some crazy and grieving friends of the fallen 44 will plan to assassinate him. But then again, another jerk will replace him if that happens. And wishing ill for someone, no matter how bad he is, does not heal wounds, does not pacify chaos. It only makes evil rejoice. So I shunned the thoughts and while so, my 6-year-old came to me and asked why I was crying.
Stupidity hits or perhaps my tears clouded my motherhood brain cells, I told her the truth. She said "awww" as if she was watching a telenovela. She asked why it happened and told her about her book, War Makes Me Sad. I retold what it said there: that Filipinos are killing each other. For two consecutive nights, she had terrible dreams. She was always crying and calling her father. It only dawned on me that she, too was greatly affected for what happened when she said "I hope it won't happen to Tatay." It sent shivers all over my body. I felt so guilty for telling her the truth and allowing her to watch the daily evening news with me.
We stopped doing so and went back to Phineas and Ferb. At least all things there, be it crazy and sometimes evil (hello, Doofenshmirtz) are all make-believe. I watched the necrological services coverage, though while she was in school earlier yesterday. And again, the president's obvious lack of empathy disappointed me. I can't itemized his wrongdoings here anymore to avoid further discussion but him being fashionably late made me draw one general conclusion — he is an asshole. No wonder no woman lasted.
OK. I will spare you from my angst.